Halloween and My Philosophy on Candy Giving

Behold! Jasper the Pumpkin Witch

As I prepare for Halloween, I think of how my attitude and feelings have changed about it over the years.

As I child, I loved ringing doorbells and getting candy. I could go trick-or-treating for hours with my friends through heavy rains and bitter winds in order to fill my pillowcase with treats. The costume didn’t matter—I wore whatever my mom picked up from the store or whatever we had around the house. Most of my costumes were unremarkable. I think my favorite store-bought costume was Wonder Woman.

As a single, I loved coming up with my own costumes. I made my own Black Widow costume with movable arms, a Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo costume, a Zom-Dom (Zombie Dominatrix) costume, St. Pauli/Swiss Miss (picture Asian chick getting her inner blonde on), and more.

As a mom, I’ve become a humbug. When the Princess was younger, I’d have fun hunting for costumes for her, but once she turned 3, she’d become more vocal and opinionated about her costume preferences. I’ve given up on dreams of making costumes for her as I know she would never wear them. Also, it seems that she prefers giving out the candy to the treaters instead of going out and getting them, so she’d probably wear her costume for no more than an hour. Is it worth all that effort?

As for my own costume, I put little to no effort, which bums me out because I used to love dressing up. I have my handy-dandy, faux fur-trimmed witch’s hat, which I’d worn nearly every Halloween since we moved to the ‘burbs in 2004. Only last year I’d decided to paint my face green like Elphaba from Wicked.

This year maybe I’ll crack out my Sephora makeup palette and see what I can come up with. Should I do my homage to Twilight with its pale, glittery vampires? Or perhaps I should go macabre and borrow the Princess’s tiara, wings, and tulle skirt—and go as a Tots-in-Tiaras Stage Mom? If I had more time, I’d create and wear a meat dress ala Lady Gaga.

Worst case scenario, I can still don my witch’s hat, but change it up by wearing my Jack-O-Lantern t-shirt, which would make me match Jasper the inflatable pumpkin witch, which we have outside.

My Philosophy on Halloween Candy Giving

1) Kids/adults who put effort on their costumes get more treats. In fact, no costume, no treats. What’s the point of Halloween if one doesn’t dress up?

2) Younger kids get more treats than bigger kids because they can’t go around for as long.

3) Kids whose parents tail them from a minivan will get floss, Nutri-grain bars, celery sticks, and/or ugly political flyers from my recycling bin. (Get up and walk, people! You’ll be eating the kiddies’ candy later anyway.)

4) Repeat visitors over the age of 10 will get last year’s candy. Clearly they’re just out for quantity, and not quality.

5) More candy will be given towards the end of trick-or-treating time (last call 7 pm). Gotta get rid of inventory.

6) If you complain about selections or take more than 10 seconds to choose your candy, no candy for you!


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