At a Crossroads

When I was in high school, one of my favorite books was Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar. I often think about the part when Esther Greenwood talks about how she feels as though she’s standing in front of a fruit-laden tree and unable to choose which one to eat, only to end up starving to death. A lot of people go through this “crisis” of having to make a decision that may change the course of their life.

The fact that one action can possibly unravel many years of commitment and struggle is enough immobilize anyone. At the same time, this action/decision can free someone to do other things—which might be more in line with what s/he was set here to do. The tough part is accepting the unknown and embracing all the possible outcomes.

I’m at a crossroads in my life. There are so many options for me to choose from, I get dizzy trying to figure out where I want to go/what I want to do. I envy those people who have a single purpose—the ones who knew they wanted to go to medical school and be a doctor since they were born (most of my college friends). I also envy those people who are content/happy with what they’re doing that they cannot imagine doing anything else (my artist friends).

I think my problem is that I’d like to do everything—arts/crafts, writing, photography, have a food business, teach, design—but you know how the saying goes, jack/jill-of-all-trades, master of none. So, I’m thinking maybe in the upcoming months I should try to focus on one area to develop. Maybe the blog posts for May will relate to my mission quest.

Need to remind myself a few things:

  • Allow myself to be a beginner.
  • Every little bit of action counts for something in the big scheme of things.
  • Accept that mistakes are part of the learning process.
  • Keep plugging on—especially when things get tough—because they will. And besides, anything worth doing is never easy.
  • There’s no such thing as failure; just not enough time.

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