Wishing for a DeBabelizer Earpiece

One of my Caucasian friends who frequents a Korean-run nail salon mentioned how she’d love to know what the ladies are talking about among themselves. I joked around with her saying, “You know, they’re talking smack about you.”

“You’re probably right.”

“Don’t worry—it’s how they pass the time. I’m sure it’s no fun scraping the dead skin off other people’s stinky feet and trying to keep a straight face when looking at gnarly toes riddled with fungi.”

But then it occurred to me—wouldn’t it be neat to have a language translator earpiece? I would call it the DeBabelizer earpiece in honor of the Tower of Babel Bible story.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this story—a long, long time ago, people used to speak the same language. Someone had the brilliant idea to build a tower to heaven so they can go see God. But God decided He didn’t want that and made it so that the people couldn’t understand each other, and so the project never got finished. Hence, the story about why there are so many languages.

What kind of technology would it require? An excellent voice-pattern recognition program; a superfast computer than can recognize and translate common phrases; a smart program feature that can learn jargon/slang and can automatically update itself. Maybe there are products out there on the market already—perhaps even sold on “As Seen on TV” for $19.95?

I live in area where there are a lot of Spanish and Russian speakers. I would LOVE to know what they’re talking about. Even better would be my answering back in their native language. And I’m sure there are some parents out there would who love a translator earpiece so that they can understand what their kids are talking about.

Anyway, a message for you inventors out there—come up with a translator earpiece, and I’m sure you’ll make a ton of money.


(Oh, bummer! Just remembered that Debabelizer used to be the name of a graphics program that was used to optimize/translate graphics into other formats. So maybe the name has to be something else.)


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